Fifth Anniversary: Finding the Bashert, Finding Good Fortune

Five years! Sometimes it seems like we have been married all of our lives, and sometimes I feel like we are newlyweds.

We still hold hands like lovers.
We work together like partners.

Our Brit Tena'im (engagement agreement) states:
"Whoever finds the Bashert (the person intended for you) finds good fortune..."
And so it has been.

Some of us find the Bashert early and some, late.



Sometimes, love found late is sweetest.

Five years ago, June 8th, 2002,, Bruce and I signed our Ketubah, our marriage contract.

A Ketubah is a legal document that states specifically what the Chatan (bridegroom) and Kallah (bride) are agreeing to do. We agreed, among other things, to establish a household "in Israel" (meaning among the people Israel--not the the nation-state), and to support and love one another according to the tradition and laws of Moses and Israel.

A Ketubah is also a work of art, scribed by hand, and adorned with art and illumination. Hiddur Mitzvah means to "beautify the commandments." It is a commandment to marry with a Ketubah, and to adorn it according to the personalities of the couple makes it beautiful. Ours is a limited edition called Erev shel Shoshanim, Evening of Roses, that depicts the night sky (Bruce is an amateur astronomer) and roses growing in old Jerusalem (my first career was as a type of botanist).

Five years ago, Bruce and I joined our lives together under the Chuppah, the marriage canopy, surrounded by family and friends.

The Chuppah (the "ch" is a gutteral, like the "ch" in the German "Bach") symbolizes the household that is being created by the marriage of two Jews. It is open on all four sides, to show that the Jewish household is open to hospitality toward all.

Our wedding occured very near to Shavuot, so the greenery in the synagogue was our decoration for it. Since our theme was "Evening of Roses," we had rose petals strewn on the aisle in the synagogue. Not only was it beautiful, but it smelled like roses as we were brought to the Chuppah. I don't remember a whole lot of what was said under the Chuppah, but since there is tradition, I know what occured there. A blessing was said over wine, the symbol of joy. Seven wedding blessings were chanted. Rings were exchanged and we said, each to the other, in Hebrew, "Behold, you are made holy unto me according to the laws of Moses and Israel." Marriage is called "kiddushin" in Hebrew, meaning holiness. Joining together in marriage is a holy act in Judaism; it is the fulfillment of a commandment and the highest calling to which human beings can aspire. It is an act of tikkun olam, repair of the world. I think it is so because the joining of two separate people, who undertake to live together despite their differences is an opportunity for the creation of Shalom, wholeness, blessing and peace.


Our first dance. After we had some time alone together, we joined the celebration of our wedding in progress.

We chose to dance to the Louis Armstrong tune, "Wonderful World." What a wonderful world is made from the blessing of finding the Bashert!

A story: In January of 2001, I went to a family retreat. The theme was "blessings." At one point, in small groups, the adults were asked to ask for and receive a blessing from another. I thought it was pretty schmaltzy, and I was shy about asking. But something overcame my reserve, and I asked for my heart's desire. "Please ask for me the blessing that I might find my life's partner, my Bashert."
Fast forward to May, 2001. Bruce and I, on our seventh date, were driving up to Ojo Caliente to spend the day soaking in the healing waters there.
I asked Bruce, "What is your Hebrew name?" He said, "Baruch ben Leib Hersch haLevi v'Rina. ('A Blessing' the son of Leib Hersch the Levite and Joy). " I definitely heard the sound of the two-by-four swishing through the air! Here was my Bashert, my Blessing that I had asked for!
Sometimes blessings are very powerful. Be warned!


One of "the obligations without measure, the reward of which is without measure," is to "rejoice with bride and groom."

A custom is to show the depth, the "measurelessness" of that rejoicing, is to lift the brude and groom up on chairs as part of the dancing.

Here Bruce and I "dance" together on the chairs, joined in the "handkerchief dance", lifted by friends and family, while others dance the Hora.

The New Shtetl Band and the dancers were singing: "There shall be heard in the streets of Jerusalem, the voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride." (...kol sasson v'kol simcha, kol chatan v'kol kallah!")

The wonderful thing about our wedding was that we enjoyed it so much! We handed over the details to the rabbi, cantor, caterer and the synagogue event planner. And we let go and had a wonderful time. We were the last ones to leave our wedding.

Our marriage has been sweet and tender and good for both of us. We have grown into more love and understanding.
Of course, there are differences between us, from time to time. Both of us can be stubborn and headstrong and intense. Real life brings challenges to all of us! But there is a fundamental basis of love and respect that is different than our previous relationships.

As we sit on our rockers on the porch holding hands, we sometimes turn to one another and say: "Love is truly wasted on the young!"

Five years! Sometimes it seems like we have been together all of our lives. Sometimes we feel like newlyweds.

We have each found the bashert. We have each found good fortune.

Close, But No Cigar!

Yesterday, I got three more steps done on the 300 Million Year Stonework Project.

Here they are--close to the top. But...not...quite...there.

It was a beautiful afternoon, albeit warm, so after working three hours in the sunshine--I left the shade behind at the bottom of the steps--I called it quits.

It is taking a bit longer toward the top because the hill is steeper there and it takes longer to clear the dirt that I have to dig out to make a step.

N. planted his pumpkin patch as I was working.

Then he rested on the porch. Then he read in his "hidden spot for reading in the tree." Smart kid--he plans projects that can be completed within his attention span.

Here is the curved path of stairs from the top. Another reason for slower time at the top is that I have hit the "B" horizon. Clay and pebbles, fixed with plant roots. I am running into tree roots, so the curve is a little greater than I had planned.
I just can't bear to pull out very small Ponderosa pines recruited since last year. I plant o transplant them in the fall instead.

I figure maybe one more step and a secure landing at the top.

But not today. I got this message from the National Weather Service:

"HIGH WIND WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 9 PM MDT THIS EVENING.

Southwest wind will reach sustained speeds of 35 to 45 Mph with Gusts around 60 Mph by

early afternoon and Continue through early this Evening...Blowing dust may reduce Visibility Suddenly...

Strong Winds will be Hazardous to Trailers and other High Profile Vehicles...

Take Action to Secure lawn furniture, trash cans...stong winds can Topple Trees...Blow Weakened Roofs off Houses...Down Powerlines...

The NWS has quaint capitalization rules, no?

Anyway, I don't think I want to be out in this. It is gusting already. Today is a good day to get inside work done.

Carnival of Homeschooling: Buzzing Your Way

The latest Carnival of Homeschooling is up at Homeschool Buzz.

There are 30 articles to choose from on a variety of topics.
I don't have an article--I missed the deadline.
But there are some good reads. Spend a summer afternoon browsing and enjoy!

Work Update

We are getting a lot of work done.

Yesterday, Bruce took a few hours of leave and came home at about 3 PM. He and N. undertook to finish unloading the wood chip mulch for the dog run.

N. seemed really enthusiastic yesterday. Maybe because at that point, they were able to open the tailgate without spilling half the mulch on the ground. That meant they could rake the stuff out.

N. likes using tools to do work. It's a guy thing.

They got the unloading done in about half-an-hour.


N. did most of the raking.

Bruce did the wheelbarrow job.

They dumped the mulch in piles in the dog run.

Bruce had prepped the dog run before we picked up the mulch. You see, last summer and fall, the dogs had dug some pretty good holes near the gate and at places along the fence looking for an escape route.
Hounds are amazing escape artists. And both dogs have hound in them.
But the contractor had sunk the CMU three units below ground level, and so the dogs went nowhere. But the holes were there. Bruce weeded the run and leveled the ground inside.



Then, when they had unloaded all of the mulch into the dog run, Bruce and N. got in there and raked it level.

N. had calculated the approximate volume of the mulch in the truck bed. Then he calculated the area inside the dog run. He predicted that the mulch would cover the that area to a depth of about 4 inches if raked evenly.

He was very close. Although it took a while to rake it evenly.



I had begin working on the 300 million year stonescape steps at about 1:30.

As the guys were unloading mulch, I was still hard at it, getting the sixth step in place.

IMHO, it is much harder than the mulch job.
I have to carry heavy rocks, measure steps, get rocks to fit and make the border. Every so often, I have to take the wheelbarrow into the woods on our property in order to collect more rocks. And wheel it back--uphill.

This is close work that takes time. Plus I am learning from my mistakes as I go.


A summer afternoon shower blew up about when the guys finished unloading. I had finished the sixth step.

It was a chance to sit on the porch and take a break.

N. decided that "just in case," he would fetch the wheelbarrow under the porch. No need to have a puddle in it!

Bruce and I sat in our rockers, sipped water--thirst provides the best taste to it--and enjoyed the respite.

As it turned out, it rained for about 10 minutes--we got about 1/100th of an inch all told. Just enough to wet the ground.


Then we were back at it. The guys raked the mulch in the dog run. I worked on my seventh step.

In the picture, you can see that the sixth and seventh steps make a small curve.

According to the landscape books, this adds interest to the steps. In my eyes, it allows me to construct about two fewer steps than if they went up in a straight path.

However, the ground is steeper, so digging out the steps is more work. Gotta move the dirt somewhere else!
But I think it is turning out pretty well.
On Sunday, it rained hard on my steps and there was no shifting. I must be doing something right.
Today, I am hoping to actually finish the steps.

Then maybe my blogs will be more varied and interesting.

Using the Front End Loader to Avoid Divorce

At the end of last week, the contractor finally came out to finish the dog run.

They built it last year and were supposed to come in July to put stucco on the CMU (concrete masonary units), change out the gate (cyclone fencing is verboten by our HOA), and level the concrete floor in the living area.

Due to the early record monsoon and then the rainy and windy fall and then the very snowy winter--plus illness in the contractor's family--they finally got out here Thursday. What is it Robbie Burns said about "the best laid plans"...?

Yesterday, once the stucco was dry, we went down to the East Mountain Transfer Station to get free wood chips. That will be more comfortable for the dogs and keep the weed problem down. Also, if we get a good monsoon it will mean less mud. We pulled up to the little window and Bruce told the guy that we wanted wood chips.

TS Guy: "They are free if you load them yourselves and five dollars if I load them with a front end loader."

Bruce: "Five dollars? Hmmm. Elie, N., are you ready to do loading?"

Me: Stunned silence.

N: "Huh?"

TS Guy: "Look, I'll put a whole truckload in your bed in less than 5 minutes."

Bruce: "Ah...how much did you say?" Looks at me.

Me: "Bruce...."

TS Guy: "Sir, five dollars for the front end loading..." I nodded at him. "That'll be five dollars, sir."

Bruce: "I think five dollars is a reasonable price to avoid divorce." And he paid up.

Of course, we had to unload ourselves back home. We got about a quarter of the way done when a thunderstorm that had been brewing for a while reached the threatening stage. So we still have the rest to unload today. It's dusty work--but you know how much this would have cost at a garden supply store? Or to have the contractor do it?

And it looks really good inside the dog run and against the stucco.

The dog run phase I will finally be finished once we spread the wood chips 4 inches thick across the whole area.

Phase II involves putting a green metal roof over the "living area" where the dog house stands.

I also got some more steps done on "the 300 million year stonescape" project.

It is going slowly but surely.

And Bruce got the chairs out on the porch in time for us to sit outside Saturday evening. I think they look really nice on the porch.

Sandia Mountain Bear Watch: Wildlife Stewardship

On Thursday mornings, East Mountian residents who subscribe to the Albuquerque Journal get the Mountain View Telegraph delivered with it.

Last Thursday, N. and I opened our copy and saw this picture in the paper.

It is a young female black bear in a tree near an elementary school in Edgewood. Black bear is her species, not her color.

Now bears usually come down from the mountains in drought years, when food is scarce, and usually in the late summer as they are feeding up for their winter sleep. Young two-year old males usually are seen in towns or in rural places migrating from one mountain range to another, when their mother's kick them out in order to prepare for new cubs. But this year, which is a wet spring, four bears so far have been seen in town. One young male in Rio Rancho actually entered a hospital clinic through the automatic door and got stuck in a bathroom. Fish and Wildlife had to remove him. I don't think he even paid his co-pay! :)



These stories, and the story of the city boy from Dallas who came across a bear while hiking in the Sandia Mountain Wilderness--in his panic he did all the wrong things--peaked N.'s interest in bears and the wildlife of the Sandia Mountains. So yesterday afternoon, we went to the Sandia Mountain Bearwatch annual meeting--pleasantly conducted outdoors at Doc Long picnic grounds on the Sandia Crest Road.

They had a talk about Bears from a Park Service biologist, and a talk about Cougars (North American Mountain Lions) from a representative of Animal Protection of New Mexico.
N. learned some interesting things about how to deal with bear encounters. Bears are not predators, of course, so the Dallas city boy had it wrong--he thought the bear was stalking him. Most likely, he crossed the bear's path and startled it. His response was to run, and the curious bear followed him, probably looking for food. Bears do not generally attack, but if you scare one, it can harm you. Like an irritable dog, it is best not to challenge a bear by staring it down, it is best to back away slowly and get out of its way. And like with a dog, if you run from a bear, it will chase you.

Cougars, on the other hand, are predators. They will stalk your chickens and goats and sheep and dogs, and small children. They generally do not go after adults, but if you encounter one, your response must be to stand your ground, protect little ones, make yourself look bigger, throw things, make noise and generally let it know that you are not dinner. Of course, since cougars are predators, you are not very likely to ever even see one. And it would be very rare to be attacked by one. They usually avoid groups of people.


As mountain dwellers, we live in bear and cougar habitat. I have not encountered a bear in the Sandia Mountains, but I have elsewhere. I was startled, but it was in a tree and so I just backed away at an angle and got out of its path. No problem, just a rapid heartbeat and extreme caution for the next half-hour or so!

We have seen cougar tracks on the wilderness trails above our house, so we know we have a cougar in the area. Since their range is large, and they avoid people, it is likely that we will not ever see it.

The Bear Watch meeting was informative and we learned about how the Sandia Mountain Bear Watch has finally gotten the Manzano hunt stopped. We learned about mapping and the uncertainty of numbers for bears and cougars in our area.

N. joined the Bear Watch and has volunteered to be a wildlife steward for our neighborhood. His job is to read two books that he was given, and then distribute literature to the people in our neighborhood. It is literature that tells them how to avoid bear incursions--'a fed bear is a dead bear'--as well as how to co-exist with other common wildlife in our mountains and deal with them without killing them.

He can get community service credit in Boy Scouts by doing this, and he will use what he is learning from his Kamana program, as well. This is another real life learning opportunity and community service opportunity that is in an area of great interest to him. He will need to do more reading and then communicate what he has learned to others in order to educate them on how to co-exist with the animals who share our mountains.

Think of the content and skills that he will practice with this project:

• detailed content about bears and other wildlife in our area
• an understanding of the ecological niches wildlife occupies and community ecology
• an understanding of species interactions in our mountain ecology (predation, commensalism, mutualism, and competition)
• Formal and informal writing skills (written communication with neighbors and with Bear Watch)
• Formal and informal speaking skills (direct communication with neighbors and a speaking engagement at the neighborhood watch meeting)

And this is a project of his own choosing, in an area of his passion, and one that matters to other people and one that benefits our community and the natural world.

Pretty cool!

Once in A Blue Moon & Summer Reading

Mystery solved!

I understand now why Bruce suddenly decided that we are ready to redo the flooring in the whole house.

It was sheer lunacy! That's right. Last night, May 31, 2007 was one of those relatively rare lunar events. It was a blue moon. N. tells me that a "blue moon" means the second full moon in a month.

Have you ever heard the phrase "once in a blue moon."

Getting a husband to actually suggest that "maybe now we ought to do the floors" is a "once in a blue moon occurence.

Today is one of Bruce's 9-80 days.

At Sandia, certain jobs, especially scientists and technical staff jobs, can choose to work 80 hours over 9 days--thus having every other Friday off.

Bruce is taking advantage of his 9-80 day today by touching up his paint jobs on the rocking Adirondack chairs that are destined--finally!--for the front porch. They look pretty good, don't they?

N. has also started to do something rare on the Blue Moon. When we made our weekly library trip yesterday, he signed up for the summer reading program they do every summer.

He has not done that before. Generally, although he reads, he has not been interested in the summer program at the library. I am not sure whether it is the weekly programs they have for teens--such as a class on fractals, a talk about wolves, etc.--or if he likes the prizes--or if he just feels that it was too school-like in the past, but he signed up! He did clarify that he could read what he wanted for the program, though. He remembers the forced fiction reading of his elementary years.

Whether he reads in the easy chair by the window, or in his reading spot in the "jack" pine out front, he has really taken to the idea of making a "life list" of worthy books and recording a certain number of reading hours a day.

At any rate here are the books for this week:

The Legend of Thunderfoot by Bill Wallace (fiction)

Marlfox by Brian Jacques (fiction)

Three Among the Wolves by Helen Thayer (non-fiction)

Talking to Dragons by Patricia C. Wrede (fiction)

The Complete Guide to Fly-Fishing Second Edition by Tom McNally (non-fiction)

Isn't it interesting that left to himself, N. has actually chosen three fiction books?

Throughout the year, my policy has been to recommend certain books but to leave N.'s reading choices to him. I don't want to be told what to read and when. Neither does N. However, our read alouds are mutually chosen, and often have something to do with what he is studying. Over the years, his free-reading has mostly been non-fiction. For our read-alouds, I have chosen a lot of fiction to balance it. Fiction, especially novels, can be difficult for kids with AS. They have to be taught to think about character development and motivation and the purpose of conflict in these books. I think that by allowing a liberal use of comic books and graphic novels, which have an iconic formula for emotions and motivation, plus reading aloud to him with expression and stops for discussion, N. has moved from needing the formulaic illustration of these elements to using the verbal descriptions written in novels.

So now he is choosing to read the novels independently because he has developed understandings that he didn't have before. And he has done it relatively effortlessly, whereas the worksheet and drill approach they used in school simply made him hate the idea of reading fiction at all.