Sunday, February 28, 2010

Purim: If Esther Was a Spy in These Days at This Season . . .

. . . and Mordechai had to deal with the U.N.

Today is Purim, the hilarious holiday when we celebrate the death of that evil Haman, the one who tried to annihilate the Jews of Shushan in Persia (now called Iran).

We interrupt this discussion to bring you a correction from the UN: Of course Haman was completely justified in his desire to annihilate the Jews of Shushan, because by their very existence they made sure that not everyone would bow to Haman's will, nor will they accept that his culture requires their demise.

In any case, on Purim, nothing is sacred and the politically correct becomes the politically incorrect, and even the rabbis get drunk enough so that they cannot tell the difference between "Baruch Mordechai!" (Bless Mordechai) and "Kalal Haman!" (Curse Haman). Mordechai is the hero who organized Jewish self-defense in Shushan.

We interrupt this discussion to bring you another correction from the UN: Political incorrectness is never allowed, especially if it relates to Jews defending themselves. No matter what the provocation, the UN policy of moral equivalence requires that we condemn Mordechai the Jew's defense of his people as wrong as Haman's attempt to annihilate them, and even more so. After all, Mordechai is a Jew. In some way, he must be associated with Israel. And anyway, the UN supports initiatives to disarm all law-abiding citizens so that they cannot defend themselves.

In any case, Purim is indeed one of those quintessential Jewish holidays upon which we say:
"They tried to kill us. We won. Let's eat!"

We interrupt this discussion to bring you yet another announcement from the UN: The Jews won in those days at this season, but we cannot not allow them to win now. It is the requirement of the religion of Achmadinajad (a descendent of Amalek) of Iran (it used to be Persia), the current reigning Haman, to bring the 12th Iman to power by annihilating the Jews. The current strategy to do so is to wipe Israel (a.k.a. 'the small Satan') off the map using powerful weapons of mass destruction. Since this is a religious quest, the Jews of Israel--in the spirit of fairness and multiculturalism--should do their part and be annihilated in order to fulfill the religious requirements of the son of Amalek.

Unfortunately, we must also say:
"So many Haman's, and only one Purim.

Remember, don't forget to blot out the name of Amalek."

And now, Latma's 'Tribal Report' brings us the latest on Queen Esther (a.k.a. 'Hadassah') and her espionage right in the Royal Palace at Shushan and who has been offended by the cost of her iniative to save her people:

Utzu eitza v'tufar. Dabru davar v'lo yakum.
Ki emanu El!
Make your plans --they will be annulled. Scheme against us--it will not avail.
For the Eternal is with us!

Happy Purim! Let's nosh on Hammentaschen!


KathieKate said...

Wow! (in a good way)

Brianna said...

Funny funny.

I stumbled onto Latma after the "We Con the World" tape, and have found it invariably hilarious (though I suspect I am in the minority of Americans in that I actually know enough about Israel to get the majority of the jokes). I've been looking around for the ones with english subtitles, with mixed results. This is one I hadn't managed to find, so thanks for a good laugh.