Being a Non-Celebrator

There have been many times when in talking to someone I allow as to how we don't celebrate Christmas, and I am met with a look of disbelief comingled with pity. A common follow up to that look is some variant of: "But then what do you do?!"

Well, there is nothing different about the calendar date of December 25. It is 24 hours long, and the daylight hours are still rather short, even at 35 degrees north latitude.

Some years, of course, Hanukkah crosses over Christmas day, so that we are "in Hanukkah" as I like to say. (There are several Jewish holidays that are more than one day long, and it feels more like one is "in" these than "on" them). But due to the the fact that the Jewish calendar is a lunar one that was intercalated with the solar year more than 2000 years b.p., sometimes we are not celebrating any holiday when Christmas rolls around.

And we don't celebrate it, although we are certainly aware that most people are celebrating, and in a very big way. And that means that the day itself is still weirdly different for non-celebrators (NC). I mean, there's no such thing as a quick trip to the store or a spin through the mall. (We make it a practice to avoid the mall and most major department stores and big-box stores anyway during the month of December. Our sensitive Aspie nervous systems just can't take the crowds).

What to do? Well Christmas seems to be a gift to non-celebrators. It is one of the only days in our 24/7 year when an NC doesn't have to make up an excuse to stay home and finish that novel, or that project or watch a movie.

And speaking of movies, that is one-half of the traditional American Jewish solution to what to do on Christmas: A Movie and Chinese, which harks back to the place and/or time when the only restaurants open were Chinese ones, and the movies seem to always be open. When we lived in town, we usually managed the 'movie' part--especially the three years running when segments of the Lord of the Rings were released--but alas, the Chinese restaurants in Albuquerque tend to close on Christmas. Then for a few years, our synagogue ran a fundraiser on December 25 where you could come and pay to watch a subtitled Israeli movie and eat catered Chinese food purchased from a Chinese place at the close of business on December 24th.

Also, in New Mexico, the evening of December 24 is the last night of Posadas, and Old Town and other neighborhoods begin to glow with the warm glow of the luminarias when the sun goes down. When we lived in town, we used to go down to Old Town or to the old Ridgecrest neighborhood to walk in the cold air, listen to the mariachi, and the carolers in the square, and enjoy the light. We'd either start or end the evening with a traditional but pork-free New Mexican dinner at one of the New Mexican food places--posole, tamales enchiladas--done "christmas" with both red and green chile, refried beans and Spanish rice, and of course, biscachitos--the enchanting New Mexican Christmas cookies made with anise.

Now that we live in the mountains, we seldom go into town on the evening of the 24th, so we skip the luminarias but we do enjoy our own homemade New Mexican dinner--pork-free, of course! And this year instead of Chinese and a movie, we watched the new Star Trek movie before having a wonderful Shabbat dinner featured a slow-roast beef, roast butternut squash, the Engineering Geek's comfort-food favorite green-bean casserole (a bit salty), and a fruit pie. A quiet day reading The Greatest Show on Earth by Richard Dawkins (me), doing puzzles (the EG), and working with the new puppy (the Boychick). A NC friend over for the Boychick, and friends stopping by to have a glass of wine for us.

A nice day. Really, the importance of Christmas for those who celebrate it, makes it a quiet and relaxing day for those of us who are non-celebrators. The only day in our American 24/7 year where we don't have to make an excuse to stay home.

December Diversity, Not December Dilemma

Ah, the wonderful month of December!

Winter has begun in earnest, with snowstorms, days to snuggle in front of the fire, and time off to spend with family.

And the inevitable questions.
"What are your plans for Christmas?"

And every year, the synagogue puts on a program for the kids about the December Dilemma, which is the current catch-phrase for how to deal with Jewish identity when the whole world around you is going crazy with Christmas.

Years ago, after attending a few of these programs, MLC, now 22, asked us if she could opt out. She said that she didn't feel any sense of dilemma at all in December.


Oh, we had read the requisite Jewish kid's book for the season, There's No Such Thing as a Hannukah Bush, Sandy Goldstein! We dealt with an unauthorized public school visit to Santa Claus disguised as a field trip to the Children's Museum, and we had THE DISCUSSION with teachers about the "C" holiday.

But overall, we decided to adopt a reasonable view of the season. After all, one simply cannot pretend that nothing is happening as most of the world celebrates a major holiday on December 25th. So, as a non-participating family, we decided on two policies about Christmas.

First, we decided to emphasize our Jewish identity all year 'round. For us, this meant living the Jewish calendar as well as living in the secular calendar. We celebrate all of the Jewish holidays with special meals, rituals and customs. Both of the kids have experienced the rich and varied round of the Jewish year, complete with observance of Shabbat every week. We decorate with colored lights--at Sukkot. We bring greenery into the house--at Shavuot. The kids grew up in a Jewish home, repleat with Jewish ritual and custom and traditions.


Perhaps this is why, when I suggested to our rabbi that perhaps the "December Dilemma" programming in the synagogue every year was maybe just a teensy bit overdone, he replied:
"MLC is growing up in a Jewish home and has the richness of numerous Jewish experiences. That is why she does not feel particularly deprived in December. Unfortunately, that is not true for the majority of the kids in our religious school." And he excused her from the program from that point on.


Our second strategy was to educate our kids about the Christmas holiday on an "as needed" basis. We answered questions and we indulged their natural curiosity without defensiveness.
Why be defensive when our kids weren't being deprived?

Sometimes, this meant giving the kids clear rules like, "I know we don't believe in Santa Claus, but it is very rude and unkind to tell other little children that he doesn't exist."

At other times, this meant allowing the children to bake Christmas cookies with their friends, or help decorate a Christmas tree. We also invited their friends to participate in some of our celebrations, such as lighting the Hannukah menorah, eating the Seder, or having havdalah with us. In this way, we emphasized the richness of the human experience, by teaching our kids to respect and appreciate that everyone has holy days, holidays, and ways of marking the passing of the seasons.

We have also enjoyed some of the unique aspects of the Christmas holiday as it is celebrated here in New Mexico. We go down to Old Town on the evening of December 24, to see the luminarias that line the sidewalks. We have taken the kids to Barelas to enjoy Las Posadas, the nine days of processions of Mary and Joseph that are part of the New Mexican and Spanish religious observance of Christmas. Through these activities, we want our children to understand that Christmas is not a secular buying frenzy, but a religious celebration for Christians. It is not our holiday, but it is somebody's holy day, and although it is not right for us to co-opt it for our own ends, neither should it offend us that people are celebrating it.

Our bottom line: It is important for us to observe our own holidays and maintain our Jewish identity. We do not celebrate Christmas just because "everybody is doing it." At the same time, if we are strong in our own identity then we can appreciate and enjoy the celebrations by others. It will not be offensive to us that Old Town is filled with luminarias, that wreaths decorate ABQ Uptown, and that Maria and Jose travel the streets of Barelas. The world would be so much poorer if there were no differences between us.

For us, then, December is a time to enjoy the snow, to walk the dogs, to celebrate Hannukah. And it is also a time to appreciate time off to be with each other because much of the rest of the country is celebrating a major holiday.

I think that our choices were good ones for strengthening our own children's Jewish identities and for teaching them to appreciate the color, the richness, and the fun of living in a world in which people have amazing differences.

We don't experience a December Dilemma. We experience the joy, light and color that come from many different traditions here in the southwest. And we are richer for enjoying the diverse ways people celebrate the turning of the seasons.

The Latest Miracle of the Oil

I did get the wax removed from the Menorot (pural for Menorah) yesterday!

As I was scraping wax off of his antique brass Menorah/Music Box (It plays Maoz Tzur), my DH passed by. I told him that I was thinking of using Murphy's Oil Soap because hydrophobic molecules (like fats, oils and wax) cannot be dissolved by water, but can be dissolved by fats. He said:"Hmmm...I'll bet mineral oil would work really well!" I said I thought it would, but I didn't think we had any. DH went off to the garage and a few minutes later he came back with a large bottle of mineral oil! It worked! Oh, it did! It shortened the time incredibly, although I did have to scrape at the big patches, they came off easily! I will post before and after pictures tomorrow--I am too lazy to get up and load the pictures right now--but it was nothing short of miraculous! (My husband's Menorah came out cleaner than it has ever been--he brought it into our marriage with years of wax on it). Chalk another one up to the "Miracle of the (mineral) oil! My DH says that it is "better living through chemistry." All religions have their explanations.

Today we did the Jewish thing. CAB (Congregation Albert Brotherhood) put on the first annual Chinese Dinner and a Movie event. About 75 of us showed up to eat Chinese food, shmooze, tell Jewish Chinese food jokes, and watch an Israeli movie.

Some Jewish Humor:
Q: Name three categories of Jewish food?
A: Fleishlig (meat), Milchlig (dairy), and Chinese!

This is the Jewish year 5767. According to the Chinese Calendar it is 4704. What did Jews do for 1063 years without Chinese food?

Twas the night before Christmas, and I, being a Jew,
My girlfriend and me, we had nothing to do!
The Gentiles were home hanging stockings with care,
Secure in their knowledge that St. Nick would be there.
But for us, once the Hannukah candles burned down,
There was nothing but boredom all over town.
Outside the window sat two feet of snow,
With the windchill they said it was 15 below!
And while all I could do was sit there and brood,
My girl saved the night and cried out "CHINESE FOOD!"
In search of a restaurant, "Which one! Let's decide!"
We chose Hunan Chozer* and ventured inside.
Around us sat other Jews, their platters piled high
With the finest of food that money could buy.
--Anonymous

*Chozer is Yiddish for "pig" which is only kosher when prepared in a certified authentic Chinese venue. (Just kidding!).

Oh, and the movie was Ushpizin, a modern retelling of the story of K'tantan. In the movie, a chasidic couple are down on their luck (and infertile) and do not have the money to even buy food and the lulav for the holiday of Sukkot. After praying for a miracle, 1ooo American dollars shows up on their doorstep. They are able to build a Sukkah (booth) and then two troublesome guests show up--former cons--called Eliyahu (Elijah) and Yussef (Joseph). These are the names of two of several Ushpizim--symbolic guests--that are brought into the Sukkah over the holy days. But the couple, Moshe and Mali, have strong faith and they decide that the troubles the Ushpizin bring are a test from the Eternal. So they welcome them. In the end...well you should get the movie from Netfix. It is a very heartwarming movie for everyone about the power of faith. (A Hint: Remember what happened to Abraham and Sarah after they welcomed strangers to their tent?).

A good time was had by all!

Happy December 25th to all, and to all a good-night!

The Latest Miracle of the Oil

I did get the wax removed from the Menorot (pural for Menorah) yesterday!

As I was scraping wax off of his antique brass Menorah/Music Box (It plays Maoz Tzur), my DH passed by. I told him that I was thinking of using Murphy's Oil Soap because hydrophobic molecules (like fats, oils and wax) cannot be dissolved by water, but can be dissolved by fats. He said:"Hmmm...I'll bet mineral oil would work really well!" I said I thought it would, but I didn't think we had any. DH went off to the garage and a few minutes later he came back with a large bottle of mineral oil! It worked! Oh, it did! It shortened the time incredibly, although I did have to scrape at the big patches, they came off easily! I will post before and after pictures tomorrow--I am too lazy to get up and load the pictures right now--but it was nothing short of miraculous! (My husband's Menorah came out cleaner than it has ever been--he brought it into our marriage with years of wax on it). Chalk another one up to the "Miracle of the (mineral) oil! My DH says that it is "better living through chemistry." All religions have their explanations.

Today we did the Jewish thing. CAB (Congregation Albert Brotherhood) put on the first annual Chinese Dinner and a Movie event. About 75 of us showed up to eat Chinese food, shmooze, tell Jewish Chinese food jokes, and watch an Israeli movie.

Some Jewish Humor:
Q: Name three categories of Jewish food?
A: Fleishlig (meat), Milchlig (dairy), and Chinese!

This is the Jewish year 5767. According to the Chinese Calendar it is 4704. What did Jews do for 1063 years without Chinese food?

Twas the night before Christmas, and I, being a Jew,
My girlfriend and me, we had nothing to do!
The Gentiles were home hanging stockings with care,
Secure in their knowledge that St. Nick would be there.
But for us, once the Hannukah candles burned down,
There was nothing but boredom all over town.
Outside the window sat two feet of snow,
With the windchill they said it was 15 below!
And while all I could do was sit there and brood,
My girl saved the night and cried out "CHINESE FOOD!"
In search of a restaurant, "Which one! Let's decide!"
We chose Hunan Chozer* and ventured inside.
Around us sat other Jews, their platters piled high
With the finest of food that money could buy.
--Anonymous

*Chozer is Yiddish for "pig" which is only kosher when prepared in a certified authentic Chinese venue. (Just kidding!).

Oh, and the movie was Ushpizin, a modern retelling of the story of K'tantan. In the movie, a chasidic couple are down on their luck (and infertile) and do not have the money to even buy food and the lulav for the holiday of Sukkot. After praying for a miracle, 1ooo American dollars shows up on their doorstep. They are able to build a Sukkah (booth) and then two troublesome guests show up--former cons--called Eliyahu (Elijah) and Yussef (Joseph). These are the names of two of several Ushpizim--symbolic guests--that are brought into the Sukkah over the holy days. But the couple, Moshe and Mali, have strong faith and they decide that the troubles the Ushpizin bring are a test from the Eternal. So they welcome them. In the end...well you should get the movie from Netfix. It is a very heartwarming movie for everyone about the power of faith. (A Hint: Remember what happened to Abraham and Sarah after they welcomed strangers to their tent?).

A good time was had by all!

Happy December 25th to all, and to all a good-night!